BDSM – What is it?

BDSM is a term used to describe aspects of sex that involve dominance, submission, and control. The practice typically involves one partner taking on a more dominant role during sex, while the other is more submissive. The acronym BDSM can be divided into these categories:

• Bondage: Restricting a partner’s freedom of movement, for example, with ropes, handcuffs, or other restraints
• Discipline: Agreed upon rules and punishments for a dominant partner to exert control over a submissive partner
• Dominance: The act of showing dominance over a physical partner, either during sex or outside of the bedroom
• Submission: The act of showing submission to the dominant partner’s actions and wishes
• Sadism and Masochism (or Sadomasochism): Pleasure that a partner may feel from either inflicting pain (sadism) or receiving pain (masochism), either physical or emotional

While these are the broader categories, there is no one way to practice BDSM — different types can include power play, role-playing, pain play, bondage, wax play, edging, sensory deprivation, or humiliation.

According to a 2016 study, nearly 47% of women and 60% of men have fantasized about dominating someone in a sexual context. The same study found that BDSM sex was slightly more prevalent in couples on the LGBTQ spectrum, but researchers otherwise determined that BDSM sex was practiced across different ages, genders, and ethnic backgrounds.

How BDSM Sex Works in Relationships

Practicing BDSM sex in a relationship can be enjoyable for both people. Many people who engage in BDSM see it as a form of release, an exploration of trust, or a space to act out fantasies of submission, vulnerability, and control.

One small study found that participating in a BDSM dynamic may reduce stress and improve mood. Other research found that participating in healthy BDSM scenes fostered feelings of intimacy between partners.

In a relationship with two partners, one will typically play the dominant role, while the other will play the submissive role. A “switch” is an individual who shifts between the dominant and submissive roles, depending on the partner and the context. This dominant and submissive dynamic is often referred to as a top/bottom dynamic. While the dominant partner or top is typically the one taking control in spanking, bonding, whipping, or other sexual scenarios, the submissive may also maintain control by demanding the top perform certain roles or insist on switching roles.